She gets up in the morning, looks in the mirror and realizes it’s going to be one of those days again. She loathes her legs and the absence of a thigh gap. She doesn’t even take the bus to school because the ruts in the road makes her body jiggle.
She chooses to wear a long sleeved shirt and anything other than shorts, because this way at least part of her skin stays covered and away from judging eyes.
Being seen in public is only a possibility after she has applied 5 layers of make up to cover her freckled nose and pimpled chin. Her lips are too small, so she watched a tutorial on YouTube teaching her to make them look bigger and fuller. Her eyelashes aren’t long or luscious enough, so she bought a tube of Maybelline mascara and smeared on two layers of that. Her eyes don’t pop out enough so she applied layer upon layer of shadow onto her lids. Her eyebrows are colored in because her natural ones aren’t good enough anymore according to a magazine she read while she was sitting in the tub, eyeing a razor while she cried about her imperfect body.
She never stops obsessing about the stretch marks and cellulite. Or the fat on her body that should supposedly not be there is she was “healthy”. She can’t eat donuts or cake or ice cream if she truly loves herself. If she loved herself, she would spend hour after hour exercising, running the same old thoughts of self loathing through her mind.
Because a body shape has to be just right to be accepted these days. Butt has to be big, but not too big. Abs have to be defined with no roll of fat showing at any time. Arms need to be toned, but not bulky. If she doesn’t possess these traits, then what is she really doing with her life?!
She cowers behind all these rules and critics because society has deemed her not good enough if she doesn’t measure up to all of it. They tell her to be herself, but when she finally gathers enough courage to actually do that, they scold her and condemn her for being too different. She tries to comfort herself in this, because this way it’s society’s fault for making her feel this way, but…
But what’s worse than accusing society of this, what’s worse than having the world judge her like this is the fact that the one person who ridicules her the most, the one person who treats her with the most unfairness, the one person whom she can’t shake or ignore or get rid of, the one person whose thoughts consume her and break her, the one person she is the most angry with right now is the person that’s staring back at her in the mirror.